Tuesday, August 28, 2012

In case you didn't get the memo

Apparently it's Nudie Tuesday!

Not to be confused with the previous holiday of Topless Monday or the following holidays of Bottomless Wednesday, Only Hats Thursday, or Streaking Friday!

Have a good week Crazy Readers :)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

And God said let there be nap times

Just when I think I can't take the fighting, screaming, spilling, falling, nakedness and mystery stains any longer and I am threatening to donate my live body to science just to get a few minutes of peace with someone that can pronounce words the way the English language was intended, a miracle occurs. While I like to refer to this incident as a blessing from a higher power to reassure me that I am  doing a good job and I deserve a reward we will call it nap time just to keep things simple...

You may say that nap times are not heavenly blessed events but it will be hard for me to hear you over my feet tapping to the hallelujah song all these angels are singing!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

All on a Saturday Night

Let me just say I LOVE WEEKENDS! I love being free of schedules and I love that my husband is home to wrangle the chaos with me. Even though they still out number us with the two of us we are bigger and stronger and sometimes smarter!

This weekend we only had the two youngest kids because my oldest spent the weekend with my parents. I like when they take one at a time because I feel like it gives that child some special attention plus I get to spend time with whatever two is left at home.

Brian has either gotten over the screaming, vomiting, fighting, spilling and peeing that normally goes on when we go out to eat or its like labor with time you forget how much it hurts because he wanted to go out to eat last night WITH the two little hurricanes.

All in all I think it went pretty well especially considering the kitchen was backed up so we had quite a wait. My children entertained everyone on our side of the restaurant with plenty of high fives and laughing. Typically I hate when strangers talk to them because they will go from sitting silently to swinging from the ceiling fans in a matter of seconds when someone speaks to them but last night they were ok. Connor charmed the crowd with his sweet smiles and heart melting giggles. Jake got lots of laughs with his silly faces and hip thrusting "dirty dancing" fyi NOT LEARNED BEHAVIOR.

So anyway other than a bumped head and Con cutting my finger with a knife dinner was pretty fun! We ended the evening with a quick trip in Walmart (never is quick with two little people) to get bath paint and a product called Squishy Baff. Its the grossest stuff ever if you have never used it but my kids liked it a lot. Jake said it feels weird on your butt but other than that it was fun.

I said I was going to stop using words like naked and nudie because it tricks google searchers into finding my blog when they are probably looking for something more frisky but I can't help it my kids are always naked! At least this time they were actually supposed to be!

Now I am sad that it is Sunday, I can feel Monday's dark dreariness creeping in already!

Monday, August 13, 2012

You know your are mom (part 3)

Per the readers request I think this will be an on going posting...I aim to please :)

You know your a parent if...

You have ever done a "sniff" test to determine what kind of job has been done in the diaper

You know that babies only poop in clean, dry diapers

You have cut a grape into fours out of fear of choking your tiny human to death

You ask permission before cutting, peeling or dissecting of any kind of a snack for a toddler

You know that if you don't ask permission they are going to say they wanted said snack in the opposite form of which you hand it to them

You have ever ate part of that snack off the floor because you haven't had time to make yourself anything

You have had on that shirt since yesterday or maybe the day before...who the hell knows

You understand the difference in crying and whining

You have ever played hide and seek just for a minute of quiet time

You have text your spouse while they are home because its never quiet enough to tell them anything anymore

You have felt inferior around mothers at the park that remembered to bring band aids and baby wipes

You have felt superior to mothers when your child does a basic human function first (sit up, walk, talk, potty)...even if her child does the same thing later that same day.

You really know that it's not a sign that your a doing a better job but you feel proud anyway

You have slept on random pieces of furniture of your house because its the only place not wet or already taken

You have cursed the floor, phone, dog, or any other object that makes any type of sound during nap time

You have nearly dislocated a shoulder trying to reach in the back seat while driving to hand a screaming child a paci, bottle, sippy or anything else not worth risking your life for

You have wondered after taking 3 hours to get ready and an hour to load in the car if you really need groceries after all

You are reading this post and have said yes to at least 5 statements :)

Have a great week crazies!!!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Who can say No to that sweet face

Little Connor just came up to me and said he wanted a ba-ba and his wubba. I gave him my serious face and told him he was getting too big for those things.

In response he gave me a kiss

Then made this face and said "I a baby"

In case you don't know yet who won out in this conversation...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Don't try this at home...

This post is actually for kids! Don't waste your time or your mom's vegetable oil because even if you grease your baby brother down "weally good" with it HE STILL WON'T FIT DOWN THE AIR VENT.

Oh and its not nice or safe to put humans down the air vents!!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

A whole lotta screamin' going on

94 minutes...94 that is not the length of the movie I just watched while my children peacefully slept. No that is not the length of time I spent relaxing in a hot bubble bath and NO that is not the amount of time that my children napped today.

94 minutes is how long my teething toddler screamed because I gave his blue cup to Jake which is identical to the other cup that I tried to give him.

Now if you do not have kids you are probably not reading this blog but if you are then you are thinking that doesn't sound that bad so let me give you an example of what a child screaming for 94 minutes would be like...

Ok, now are we in clear agreement that it would be annoying?

I think I handled the situation well. And by well I mean about half an hour in I was cramming my face full of junk food and crying a  little lot...don't judge me, at least I am sober minus a little sugar high.

This blog was never intended to be an advice column. I have issues, I get it but if you are feeling like your about to lose it remember no one can hear you curse with donuts in your mouth

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Just for a minute...

If you have been reading my blog you may have noticed I am a bit high strung, over stressed and very anxious most of the time. All are attributes of my personality that I wish I could change. I have been reading lately about ways to just relax and release some of the stress without becoming a closeted alcoholic or physically harming random people.

I have been doing yoga and different types of meditation for quite a while but I also have been practicing a time out approach that I read about. Not a time out as a punishment but a time out as a reward for hard work or making it through a stressful day without a criminal record.

Everyday I am now going to try to give my mind a time out. A time out away from cleaning and bills and screaming kids and annoying people and just soak in the joy around me.

Right now I am sitting on my deck overlooking my kids place in various stages of undressed in the sand and water in the back yard. I can smell the scent of sunshine, sunscreen and bug repellent all around me. I can feel their energy as they run full force across the yard. I can experience the same thrilling chills they have as they go higher and higher on the swing. I can see the pride on their face when their sand castle turns out perfect. I can see the amazement in their eyes as they watch the large butterfly swoosh by. I can see their immaturity and innocence shining through their smiles and laughter.

Yes an hour from now I can worry about the house and the laundry but just for this minute I am going to bask in the peace I feel around me.

Take a time out, you never know what joy you will find :)